I'm in Saigon, bitches.

It has begun to pour rain. I hail a taxi. An American man told me to only trust two types of taxis, but I can't remember either of the names. Vina Sun? Minh Bah? Minh Tao?
I get into a van. I hope it is actually a taxi.
"Sin Chao, please take me here," I point at the map, marked with sweat and rain.
He stares at me blankly and says something that I can't understand. At all.
"I pay 20, 000 dong, yes?"
"Gjkbfiweni fiugno uidgfiuwebkjf sdrjgbowi."
"20, 000, Ok?"
"Bicbnwnfheufwedwsv cvx! FNIUERBFIRE!"
"Uhhh...?"
I get out Lonely Planet as a last resort and try to pronounce some phrases. He laughs at me.
Everywhere looks the same. Two adults and three children on a motorcycle. One is holding a baby. Women by the road covered from head to toe. They must be boiling.
The taxi stops and the driver holds up five fingers. I hand him 20, 000 dong.
"BEIN IGRE!"
"No. Thats all I'm paying you."
"NHIFNHIU!" He holds up his fingers again.
"Fuck ya!"
I get out of the taxi and I hear footsteps behind me.
"AVUSVAUB! ABHIURBIU!"
I stop and there is the driver, holding my change.